These personality traits are not uncommon in all of them. Sure, they can be managed, but it means they . Never argue. Just my opinion but I think that trying to do whatever we can to heal from what happened to us *is* moving on. These are the people we typically think of as narcissists: high self-esteem extroverts that can be quite charming and often excel in leadership roles. If there was some way to inflict some equivalent pain, you think, maybe the narcissist would have an epiphany and stop doing what they do. I absolutely love this articlethank you! I did and after three months she calls me asking why Im not seeing my children. Threatening me, throwing her belongings and hitting her. Bitterness. There are other ways to get over it. I'm going to get straight to the point: it's all about calling them on their bullshi. Wont admit he took weeks convincing me to quit. I dont consider it revenge. We used to be INCREDIBLY close (all this happened as she turned 18). Be smart and crafty. They will purposefully do things to prevent you from doing something as simple as sleep. In the past, I wrote with trepidationnot wanting to offend others who may not be ready to laugh about something so serious. Oftentimes, you wont even know that youve made them feel inferior, your first clue will be them putting you down. Steps towards escaping a relationship with a covert narcissist. 8) Look your best. But lets examine them anyway as a theoretical exercise and determine what it is about them thats so attractive and why they are unlikely to work. Absolutely! Dear sarah.. Better to play your game. Trust your friends, family, even your coworkers with your issues. Watch this short video from Stephanie Lyn that I hope will help to motivate you: All of the other options either lead to additional suffering for us or they provide more ammunition for the narcissist to use against us. When they have a steady source of supply, theyre happy as can be. To eternity I understand where you are coming from. Im dedicated to exposing a narc that is also an abuser(hits his gf). Narcissists hate losing their supply of attention, so they won't let you go easily. Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist and expert on extreme self-involvement, shares . If you want to cut to a narcissists emotional core, make them look bad in public. I am sorry for that loss with your children. Narcissists are the cockroaches of humanity. This is the sort of thing that can set off devaluation from them in the first place. Youre not like them. When you ignore a narcissist, it is difficult for both you and the narcissist. I tried to break things up with him several times, but he manages to come back and have me back into his arms. My head was spinning to trying to understand what was really going on. Lets evaluate some potential methods of getting back at a narcissist to determine what goals would be met and how effective they would be. "Make sure you have a core group of people in your life that can support you . Narcissistic people can sometimes give themselves away over time when you keep communicating with them. One Of The Worst Things You Can Do To A Narcissist. Hi. And, just as they do when you didnt intentionally challenge them, they will continue to make you out to be the bad person and use what you do to turn themselves into victims. After our engagement, the silent treatment started. Since they hate being criticized and are going to get offended no matter what you do anyway, you might as well give them something to be offended about. The worst thing you can ever have in your life. Lets start a movement and force society to change its views on abuse that forgives and allows these vile humans to do what they do! Occasionally a narcissist will cry a few crocodile tears because its advantageous to them, but this isnt true vulnerability. She baited me back to keep the fight going. Why play nice? We may be dealing with financial or legal consequences or struggling to put our lives back together if our stability has been disrupted in areas such as our housing or job. Of course lol. And by the way, it didnt work. Yes you can win. These are easily the most dangerous types of narcissists. I also have a 15 yo son who I have shared custody with. Narcissistic people are like parasites. Their feelings of inferiority are especially noticeable after a breakup (or a discard initiated by them). They will never change. Thank you for your comment! I dont recommend them. This almost never happens for narcissists, so any happiness you might get out of humiliating them will be offset by the retaliation that follows. It did expose him but he didnt change. Use it to protect yourself and family. I had enough been a walk over too much during the court process, and being alienated enough. Hi Andy: Im so sorry to hear about the pain you are going through right now. When you ignore a narcissist, you aren't giving them anything at alland they can't stand that. If you don't need to maintain contact with them, don't. Walk out of that door and never look back. How do you throw someone under the bus with love? Examples can include mentioning how much better an ex was at making them feel, exploding because you took too long to text when you were out with your friends, making a cutting comment under his or her breath but where your mutual friends cannot overhear about something that they know will hurt you. I knew its time to leave my narc when I started noticing that our son is picking up his abusive behavior. Ceased contact. Narcs have a legion of fools behind them to hurt you, I think it would be a good thing to build your own army of warriors and allies to help stand by your side. Narcissists are known for being able to dish it out, but not being able to take it. So I was tired of all of it. Thanks for the nice blog. Its doubtful they would even recognize that you were treating them how you were treated to show them how it feels because they dont have the insight to recognize that their behavior is a problem. But the things he did and still does And the lies! If you're in a relationship with a narcissist, you need to get out, they'll never love you the way you want. This is why so many of these methods backfire or cause more issues. Im not saying that everyone will get to where they can laugh, but I did. By laiughing, at the absurdity of the narcisiist, you save yourself from falling into nihilism and depression. Others might have a different idea, but Ill explain my version of how I feel I sort of did this. Just to get away from it all is the answer. So I made an anonymous tip off to his school where he teachers that his is fraudulent and dishonest. Because he cheats on me all the time, and uses me to get things. You should fight back. The best revenge for them, is to pre-emptively breakup with Them. Additionally, you should never try to outshine a narcissist or make them feel inferior in any way, as this will only . Note that Im examining these as thought exercises. A sure-fire way to make them angry is to show them up in any of these areas. One way I took revenge is by knowing all Narcissists are paranoia. Its an unfortunate effect of having very low self-esteem and no ability to regulate it. I thought about this answer for a long time, and tried to think of words, specific words, that I used to get free and metaphorically fight fire with fire. The real idea with this not just that youre leaving them for someone else, but that youre making sure they know, right? This is so complex. As a result, things may get heated in an argument. It's about offering something to another person without the expectation of . Or whatever they value about themselves, make an off-hand comment about how theyre not doing as well in that department as they used to. When seemingly simple, mundane things result in a wild overreaction, you know something isn't right. 'You are a failure' or 'I am so disappointed in you'. Just KEEP COOL and CALM. Narcs LOVE the idea that they can destroy our image and life. If you make a point of causing narcissistic injury, you better believe the narcissist will come back at you with everything theyve got. Youll have a sense of control for once. 2. In order for something to be viewed as revenge, someone has to understand that they did something to warrant revenge in the first place. Not only did he lie to the everyone about the relationship and to the courts as he wanted to win. In his work, he states that the term covert is often used to suggest that the covert narcissist is sneaky or that their striving for importance is not as significant as an overt (more extroverted) narcissist. Because that looks like the only way to end this suffering. And I ask you, is destroying our lives,this giftwe have of experiencing only one time, really worth the revenge? If you look up the definition of a "sore loser" in a dictionary, it'll say "narcissist.". Very good. I dont want to cancel my plans., Or, No, I dont want to drive for an hour to come see you tonight. They need others to feed on; otherwise, they will shrivel up like the vermin they are. It's like not letting a junkie have his drug. In fact, they look closer to boundary-setting. They crave praise, admiration, and a feeling of control over their life. They appear likable at fist. I plan to put it all on YouTube and send links to his friends and family. The initial reaction of the narcissist to a perceived humiliation is a conscious rejection of the humiliating input. A narcissistic parent doesn't love you, and simply sees you as an accident that sometimes serves as a useful tool to give them leverage in life. When that happens, any of the following 9 things may happen: Denial. And I know right now for many of you, who are angry those of us who are bitter. 3. Keep cool. Narcissists hurt us so that we always have something to remember them by. There may be a material loss as well. I think its worthwhile to think through where the urges come from, what is likely to happen, and whether or not they are good ideas. Early in the relationship, little did you know that you simply not doing what they wanted you to do whenever they wanted you to do it meant that you were likely already injuring them and didnt even know it. You dont have to swing from vine to vine just to avoid being alone. Which is strong and helping you to assert yourself again. Walking away from a narcissists abuse (and staying away) is the healthiest thing you can do for yourself. But we must always remember that old aphorism says: those who seek revenge better dig TWO GRAVES.. Can you really ever make them feel the same pain theyve made you feel? I suddenly saw the futility of how stupid Id been, trying to hold on for so long to someone who was, indeed, a ghost. 3. We dont get to tell the narcissist what we really think or see them self-destruct. Thank you so much. It's something only someone who has engaged a narcissist really understands, but they will almost laugh at themselves in quick, manic, awkward giggles. So many emotions, so much loss. If you don't have people who support you, it's easier to undermine your self-esteem to manipulate you. You want others to see through their lies and feel vindicated. Its dangerous territory to be in, so silence shouldnt be used lightly. All of this is part of the revenge mission. Isolation. While most people can regulate their feelings of self-worth internally, the narcissist relies completely on outsiders for this validation. So, by going through all of these ideas one by one, I do not suggest them seriously. Do it wisely. Narcs LOVE the idea that they can destroy our image and life. Empathic validation is a fancy way of saying, butter up your criticism with a compliment first . They love to play you for a fool. But not after you have expressed your anger to them in very explited terms. They can become abusive and deeply hurt the people in their lives. And many people may be hurt. You used the pain they gave you as fuel to create your greatest victories. First off, did you actually do something wrong? Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. OK, it doesn't but it should . When someone that's narcissistic talks over you, you talk over them to prove a point, both of your voices will escalate in volume and rapidity. If you can, please try to seek out a therapist who is knowledgeable about narcissistic abuse and pathological love relationships. 1. Everyone laughs and teases others sometimes. Don't allow that, ever. Laughter is the best medicine. She may shun you but keep giving her that love and try and reach out. Just by leaving we take all of our power back. It can also cause the more fragile ones to realize you aren't such an easy target, and they may back down and start attacking someone else instead. Walking away is the worst thing you can do to a narcissist because its the best thing you can do for yourself. They live in fear of their victims who might come after them all the time, or to their (new) friends and partners. My suggestion for you is to reach out. So where has all of this come from? In this article I will describe exactly what words hurt a Narcissist the most and what the best method is to get your ultimate revenge on them. Helpful, outgoing, and generally warm towards others, communal narcissists arent even on most peoples radar. But you know the truth. Just to get a kind of even in my mind. Its that they made us look and feel as if there is something wrong with us for feeling hurt and angry over being treated this way. But that isEXACTLYwhat the narcissists want. Do not gvv access to u emotionally u hv the power. Power to the worriors. The Narcissist LOVES the idea that they can mold other people's reality and perception of us. Youre right. Give them consequenses. Both are narcissists, although Sean is the sweet, slithery, helples. I guess they will investigate this and if he isnt lying he can prove that he had genuinely had received a doctorate. Cheating on you or triangulating you with other love interests? They are manipulators and youre not. They dont cause remorse, validation, acknowledgment, or change because they dont view you as anything but an extension of them, not as an equal who is entitled to your own pain. Narcs have no reasoning and the more we try and reason with them the more they will try and pull us down and tear us apart. I was married to a narcissist for 10 years and she was manipulating and of course new how to hurt me the most which was our children. The narcissist tries to ignore it, talk it out of existence, or belittle its importance. The narcissists and their legion of fools can slowly drive you insane. When speaking to a narcissist, try to see their point of view and how they might be feeling hurt (no matter how warped it is). Out Compete Them. I called his parents one night to get advice ohhh that backfired he then calls his parents convinced them I bought the alcohol for him and that I was cheating with his brother. When you have hurt them, let them tap into your bank of empathy by being completely honest with them. The only possible outcome is narcissistic rage. It tickles their ego, knowing that they can bad mouth us to other people and then have these people foolishly believe every word they have said. And FREE ebook on the power of silence against a narcissist. But I will never get my life. They have no sympathy. I agree . Use Empathic Validation if You Need to Confront a Narcissist. They have no boundaries, so if you sink low, they will always sink lower. 1. 2. I think sometimes we think that if we get revenge, that will help us to move on, but I think that trying to get revenge can do just the opposite. Individuals with this disorder expect to be treated in certain ways and don't regard the opinions or problems of others. They come off as friendly, gentle, and charismatic. To a narcissist, however, this is highly upsetting. He wanted to get money off of me as my parents gave me money before I met him. Not traceable by any means. The guild you bare from where there is no escape. Once I crossed that threshold, I saw him and the other woman as cartoon characters in mind and their antics not only lost their ability to hurt or trigger methey actually became funny in a Saturday Night Live kind of way. Write in detail about your feelings. And he tells lies that can be easily identifed as lies, which makes me think whats the point of lying in the first place? Maria had just watched her father die at the hospital the day before. He has a god complex where he thinks he is better than everyone else but he had managed to change his driving licence and other sources of ID to say that he is a doctor. Do the diary because she will see you from a different light. My thoughts were about my children. Then leave it to them to draw their own conclusions. Download Wearemore app to vent, get support, or just talk with others who are going through what you are going through! 4. Try challenging their opinions, ignoring their commands, or laughing at their misfortunes and theyll fly into a narcissistic rage. 2. It doesnt matter if what you do is subtle; they are notorious for invoking double standards and will still invariably use teasing as an opportunity to turn themselves into victims. Its time to fight back. What about when children are involved? Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. The narcissist can use psychological techniques to make you doubt your own rationality. Therefore, if you want to take revenge, do this. They are a lot like two-year-olds. Of course not, but instead of striving for the temporary joy of humiliating a narcissist, focus on the long term and how you can find peace. Shame is unpleasant for everyone, but for the narcissist, it's absolutely horrifying. Not all narcissists are extroverts, some are incredibly insecure and are willing to show it. Its about empowering myself. But yes, it will truly affect a Narc if it wasnt tooo long ago the breakup occurred. 1) Forgive yourself: For many victims, their first response upon learning and accepting that they have fallen into a manipulative and exploitative relationship with a covert narcissist is shame and self-hatred. But do narcissists know they . Taking revenge on a narcissist is pointless. Silent Treatment. Their personality disorder doesnt stem from deep-seated neuroses or a grandiose sense of self, they simply thrive on creating chaos. They stole your love and trust. Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment. 1. Write in a diary about how you felt and how much you wanted to connect with her. Its not just that they cheat. That is a very good way to put it. Feeling good about yourself will radiate the positive energy within you and attract the right people to your side. They can also use it to strengthen other relationships by bonding with others over what a bad person you are. But heres the problem. I got revenge on my ex, he had fraudulently changed his title of his name to Dr Claiming that he has a honorary PhD from a University, which was indeed a lie and he has no evidence to prove it. When the narcissist is behaving inappropriately or making demands, you decide you wont deal with it anymore. Keep cool and laugh INSIDE at how delusional these people can be. that brings down their illusion of superiority, Bundle Pack: Empathic Warriors Survival Stories + FREE Confuse Them With Silence, https://laughingatnarcs.com/index.php/2019/06/18/how-to-survive-a-toxic-boss/, Why Being in a Relationship with a Narcissist is Like Being a Handbag, 10 Reasons Why Narcissists Make the Best Exes (According to Narcissists), How To Heal After a Narcissistic Relationship, Narcissistic Victim Mentality: Narcissists Love Playing Victims (Crazy Narcissism), When Your Narcissists Turns Everyone Against You. Now Im also set on revenge. Or cock your head and squint as if what was said did not make any sense. But they don't feel the same way as you and me. So yea, HIPAA is real. [Read: 16 characteristics of a narcissist that give them away instantly] How to beat a narcissist at his own game. I reported his best friend to the police that I had threats that I was endangered, silly friend decided to send me WhatsApp messages to threaten me. In fact, I wrote an article called 10+ Mental Illnesses Caused By Staying With A Narcissists. One of the worst things narcissists do is manipulate people into doing what they want. Thus the first step is to forgive yourself. but in some point you have to face him to get out of this ****..the reason why i said that i feel you..is because i go through the same thing with my mother..and she did fight for us..and im thinkfull to her for the rest of my life for being soo brave to leave..as your kids..they will be greatfull to you..i hope happiness find you where ever you go. The narcissist can use it to make you look crazy or to justify treating you poorly. A person with a narcissistic parent often feels as . Narcissistic people thrive on attention. They will gaslight you. Quietly. I feel like I am worthless and I have considered taking my own life for a while now. Narcissists use this one all the time; its designed to make you work for their attention and it is called Silent Treatment. Whatever your deepest values . Communal narcissists will play up their victimhood should you ever question them. Or they will think youre so hung up on him or her that you had to run out and find someone else immediately to get over them. For me, it feels good to have the muzzle off. Thank you for the comment and your insight. Need Peer Support? After a year or two recovering I decided to send my ex-narc/psychopath and her new lover an anonymous postcard on newyears-day. It all sounds nice; Get over it, live your best live and ofcourse thats what you should do. Your email address will not be published. 12 - Pave the way for their next relationship. Through examining these methods of revenge, the following statements seem clear: 1. I exposed it knowing people would see. As described in the narcissistic cycle of abuse, narcissists are sensitive to feeling criticized by practicallyeverything, but what actuallywounds them? Start by telling them how you feel. So she left one day and went to her mothers and over the weekend filled for divorce. Once the narcissist has goaded you into reacting, they can keep you feeling powerless, guilty, and participating in the relationship until they're ready to end it. Its about not being under his control, and able to talk about what really happened. You can also subscribe without commenting. This is spot on my hubby does these things that make u pit of ur stomach. So many people in their lives turn a blind eye and refuse to see what theyre doing, even enabling it at times and it can seem as if, just once, they should be made to feel the consequences of their actions. Run, girl! Many of us cannot see the answer because we have been so hurt by what the narcissist did to us, which is understandable. Because I feel like losing him and eventually seem him with other guys will hurt much more than keeping him as he is. The 20s is an age where we are STILL KIDS. Dont fall for either of these the narcissistic personality isnt gone, theyve just changed how theyre presenting it. Yes, moving on is not easy and thats why I put it as one of the biggest cons. Its the hardest thing to do when everything inside you is telling you to do something else. Its the only way. The relationship started out great they were charming, affectionate, and never stopped telling you how much they loved you. One of the things narcissists hate most is feeling replaceable. It is so absurdly expensive and painful that I think that just laughing about the ridiculousness of all of this just might help me survive. Empathy is at the heart of every human feeling we have. Click To Tweet. That we can live in a world where someone can cause so much damage and get away with it seems so unjust. Oh, yes, youre right. In many ways, theyre more psychopath than narcissist. She ended up getting fired and filed a wrongful termination lawsuit blaming me as the cause.She filed a cause of action against me with the California State Board of Equalization and with the EDD.I ended up with renal failure and have under gone 3 surgeries to correct the problem from the stress.Law suit was finally settled not because she was right but because our legal fees were mounting.God help anyone who has to deal with a narc in the workplace. A police officer threw his pregnant wife to the ground with three other children filed for divorce and never talked to any of his children for 20 years.My children have no empathy and are just like their mother. This way of thinking and behaving surfaces in every . State your truth and disgust to them when you are ready and strong enough. I just cant find a solution to my problem. But all I could think about are the droves of other women he likely disrespected. It feels as if there must besomethingyou can do with all of your anger at the injustice. When we move on and live happily, that brings down their illusion of superiority and reveals to them something they dont want to see. Narcissistic personality traits are on the rise, and it can be toxic in relationships where money is involved. Theyll play the victim and make you out to be a villain in this toxic relationship. This is the hardest thing to do while we are still in love with the narcissist. If you're thinking about using the silent treatment, it's best to walk away from the narcissist and the relationship. 5. The narcissist is on a neverending trial, which, itself, constitutes his punishment. I am stuch in a relationship with a narcissist for almost two years now. Thanks again for your comment and your insight. You've probably read a hundred times how narcissists leave relationships and then swan dive right into a new one. Yes, Im saying that basically the only way to get revenge is to leave. Maybe this happened in the aftermath of your own relationship with a narcissist. If youre asking for understanding and compassion from a narcissist, youre barking up the wrong tree. Just know though if they can't get it from your they'll become desperate to get it anywhere. I have no contact with any as it hurts to have seen what my daughter has done to her children. I havent been brave enough to list my last name but both of you have so we arent anonymous. These methods are highly rooted in emotion. Better than lying beaten down and keeping a silent victim. 3. Because narcissists are eternal victims, they will view you as the attacker if you do many of these things, instead of viewing them as reactions to something they did. What do you do with all of these feelings? Yes, it seems counterintuitive, but the truth is that when a narcissist feels complimented or appreciated, they tend to become even more complacent and entitled. That feeling will be very short-lived; narcissists always have more time and energy to spend on hurting you than you do on hurting them. Create a support system. Then remain silent when the go in a rage. The thought of it feels amazing, right? You've probably already figured a lot of this out. Being Replaced: However, in general, the worst thing you can do to a narcissist is to ignore them. Walking away and living your life is the best possible way to get back at a narcissist. Getting over it is a very difficult process that Im not trying to gloss over here, but I think you make an important point. Dont let them monopolize your life. I hate myself for loving him so much! The strongest thing that can hit a nail on a narcissist's head is ignoring. I know how much you want to get revenge. Even if you react negatively to something that they do, they still know that they matter enough to make you upset and to speak with them about it. Even if you did, the things they do are so blatant and heinous, as noted above with direct criticism, they can use what you do to make themselves into a victim to gain sympathy and support and to justify their poor treatment of you. Dr. Les Carter cautions that as you are fatigued by them, bad habits can . The narc is constantly in his head about what a bad person/mom I am. They NEED ATTENTION SO BADLY. The main reason is that shame could negatively impact his reputation and give him a lower status in his social circle. The worst thing you can do to a narcissist that will drive them insane is straightforward.